Friday, June 24, 2011

Day 5!

“It makes me very sad to hear women making jokes that are negative jokes, or sarcastic, or put-down lines about their husbands. And they all laugh, but it’s not right. She’s not being trustworthy. She’s not being faithful. She’s not being loyal.”

As you may know, as part of my Christian half of my journey in improving my self-esteem, I have signed up for a daily email to help me renew myself in what it means to be a woman of God. The above paragraph was recently in one of the readings, and it rings so true for me.

Last year, when I was doing nanny work, I was at an Early Years Centre for playgroup with the baby, and I heard these women talking. They were talking about their husbands, and they were doing exactly what the paragraph above describes. Too much time has passed for me to remember exactly what they were saying, but I recall many complaints, along the lines of him coming home and wondering why nothing had ever gotten done, and one of the women wanting to say, if you want it done, just do it your own damn self. This made me very sad. First of all, it begs the question…if he pisses you off so much, why did you marry him? Second…why are you talking about your marital issues in public with your friend, where at least 4 other adults can hear you? Third…why don’t you do anything all day?

I’d like to disclaim that I don’t believe in the ‘Superwoman’ model society promotes today. The idea that a woman with a full-time job can do that and then come home and have a perfect home with everything tidy and in place is just not possible. Something has to give. And honestly, if that were me, I’d rather have an untidy home and be able to spend time with my family than care about dishes getting done right away.

HOWEVER. If you are home all day, I do believe that there is some kind of obligation to at least try to get chores done. I won’t be able to work right away after moving down to Texas, and since I won’t have children yet, I intend to use all that free time to set up our household. I will unpack things, do all the post wedding crap, cook, clean, organize, etc. I feel like, if Daric is going to be our primary breadwinner at that point (and all of this extends to when we have children, since if we can afford it, I want to stay home and raise the children), then I need to do all I can to make our home life smooth and comfortable. And really…even once you have children and have slightly less time, I believe that there is a way to get everything done that needs to be done. If your husband is busting his ass 40-50 hours a week so you can stay home with your kids, you should be doing the same at home. Being a stay at home mom isn’t a vacation. Or a reason for being lazy. It’s a job. It is work.

Most of what bothered me about hearing these women bitch and moan about their husband’s is that it was so disrespectful. Never mind why they can’t keep their homes clean enough, which also devalues him and your life together. If they had a problem with something their husband said to them, then a baby playgroup is not the place to air that. It doesn’t honour him. It doesn’t respect him. It doesn’t build him up. It makes him out to be a jackass. When I think of the times I’ve felt like that because other people have insulted me in public, I can’t ever imagine doing the same to my husband. It devalues your commitment, and it’s so selfish.

I so want to give Daric only the best of me. I know I’ll have my moments, but I also know that acting like those women is one of the worst things I can do as a wife. I know I wouldn’t do it, but I also pray that God will continue to shape me into a Proverbs 21-esque woman so that I will have the strength to resist keeping my mouth shut to Daric and instead opening it to people who shouldn’t hear about it when I have an issue.

On an unrelated note, I must give a shout-out to one of my incredible friends today. She has been sober for two years today, and I am unbelievably inspired by her. She doesn’t know it, but she was a factor in me starting this whole self-improvement journey, and I think that she’s just amazing. She has shown me that perseverance is worth it, and that making yourself better is something that goes on forever and never ends. I know she’s going to be successful, and I am so proud to call her my friend. I <3 you Jen.

Much love,
Amanda

1 comment:

  1. You're the Sweetest Pea I know...thanks arout...glad to have a partner in recovery and self-betterment!

    ReplyDelete