Day 4-ish

Ok, so I missed posting yesterday. But, I had plenty of insights, and this time into my own body image journey.

The first thing is this: I weighed myself, thinking that maybe I'd lost something, because I seemed fitter than last week. But I had no change. So this got me thinking, as I am slightly apt to do.

My ultimate weight loss goal was 50 pounds. That's about 6 pounds less than I am now. I have been trying to lose this 6 pounds for a good 6 months. And it's not happening. No matter how hard I work out, no matter how much I restrict my calories, it just never happens. But my body changes. And I stay the same weight. So, I have decided that the weight and body type I am right now is what I'm supposed to be. It's the way God designed me to be. There are still a couple things I'd like to streamline, like building more muscle and losing more fat on my upper thighs (yes, I know nobody sees them, but I do, and I don't want them jiggly). Long story short, I've decided to stop putting the focus on losing weight, and putting the focus on making my body stronger.

And honestly, I do like the way my body is now. I like my curves, and I like the muscle tone, and I think it's really not all that bad. It also helps that Daric thinks I'm beautiful :)

I also, for the first time since high school, wore a bikini in front of other people yesterday. It was great. I felt really good about myself, and I'm happy that I took that step. Yes, my body isn't perfect, but I'm still attractive, and I felt good so that's what's important. That was a pretty big step for me, and I'm glad I overcame it.

I guess that overcoming your fears is a choice that you make. That seems like the understatement of the year, but it's true. Like I was saying to Daric the other day, all the stuff I write in here about this journey make seem pretty obvious to some people. But I think that everyone needs to actually learn and experience these obvious things in order to really own them and live them out.

I'll write about Day 5 later. :)

Much love,
Amanda