when i was in the second grade, i got punched in the stomach by a boy.
being apart from the one you should be with is like suffering an emotional punch in the stomach everyday. or punch in the soul. or both.
i see that not everyone understands the tumultuous feelings that come with such an arrangement.
perhaps if everyone was forced to spend time separated by distance from their true mate they wouldn’t take them for granted or fight as much. they would hold hands more or remember to say ‘i love you’ each morning as they parted.
a simple task can become mostly unbearable.
a shopping trip can come to a swift and bittersweet end as you stand in a store being caught off guard as you realize that ‘marry me’ by train is playing on the overhead radio and that this mundane task would be beyond incredible if only you were holding hands with your husband (-to-be…although such a distinction is one i make for the picky who may read this and not one i make in my mind).
you stand in the store, holding a skirt, hearing the song. a song you love and listen to often while thinking of your love. holding back tears the only way you know how…deep breaths and the desire to not have everyone staring at you. what kind of woman cries while shopping?
i do. i also cry in restaurants and at work and in the shower and to myself at night while falling asleep. or trying to. my heart soars when i see wedding ads. my heart cringes when i see someone wearing camo. my heart hurts when i think of distance and 100 days left. my heart smiles when i look down at my sparkly keepsake, a reminder that he will come home and we will be together, inseparable.
people make jokes that say, you miss her now, but wait until you have to see her everyday. and he says, it’s never gonna happen. i will never take you for granted and i will always cherish you.
he says, i can’t see what you’re wearing today or how your hair looks, but you’re beautiful to me everyday. when you feel bad because you’re bloated or that the pants you know are your size in a store don’t fit, you are upset, but you think of him standing right there, telling you, you’re beautiful no matter what.
you imagine him next to you in your car, at home on the couch, walking down the street.
did you know that the simplest activities of everyday life become extraordinary because the one you love is by your side?
i didn’t, but i do now.
he says, this will be the most difficult thing we ever have to go through, and don’t give up, because we’re almost there. it’s already halfway through june. it’s going to be ok. i’ll always be there when you cry after all this is over.
you look forward to celebrating being a bride with your friends, but are aware that you will probably break down and cry sometime between present openings.
i don’t know how many people know these things, but i wish more did. it would be easier to suffer. misery loves company and such. my only company is still my best friend, separated from me by 7 hours of time difference and a big ocean and lots of sand.
i wonder how quickly 100 days can come and go. if God has mercy on us, the answer is very.
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