Ok, so my days aren't exactly one after the other right now. So sue me. You work 60 hours per week and make wedding invitations on the side and we'll see how much blogging time you put in. I do have ideas saved up though!
I've been dwelling on a thought tonight, and I just had to sort it out, and this is how I'm doing it.
It all starts with my hair. Yes, my hair. See, my hair is dumb. It likes to be both frizzy and greasy at the same time, and it drives me crazy. Most of the people I know will only ever see my hair up because I just can't handle trying to achieve some kind of style with it every morning. In order to solve my main issue, which is the dryness/frizziness/greasiness, I buy Expensive Hair Products. I don't even know how many different products I've tried on my hair. Shampoos, conditioners, mousse, sprays. It doesn't matter what I try, I've struggled with my hair since I hit puberty. That was now a long time ago. I struggled with it for a long time, until I found what I'm currently using. What I'm currently using costs a pretty penny, but it saves me the hassle of having a breakdown every morning when I try to figure out what to do with this greasy mess on top of my scalp. Today, I went to the hairdresser, and stocked up on my products, because I don't know where I'll be able to buy them when I eventually make the move down South. I've never felt bad about buying this stuff, because it makes my life easier and makes my hair shiny and smell good. I enjoy these things.
However, recently something was said to me that has hit a nerve. Someone suggested to me that I complain about problems that aren't really important on one of my facebook statuses recently.
Now. I have problems. I have several problems. I've had many problems. There are serious problems that I struggle with everyday. But I don't post about those. Those I keep to myself. I figure instead, that I'm gonna make some sarcastic remark about something inconsequential, and then somebody goes off on me about it. The implication being that my problems aren't as important as other people's problems because I happen to live in a developed nation, and that means my life is perfect.
There are few things that get me really riled up. I'm pretty cool about most things. Even most offenses against me I can kind of gloss over. But hypocrisy is not one of them.
I really don't like hypocrisy because it's kind of a form of lying. I don't like lying. I used to lie A LOT. Jesus helped me stop that habit, and today, I hold the truth very highly. I don't lie, and I expect the people around me to refrain from doing it...at least to me. On that same note, I *try* not to be hypocritical, which is difficult, but I think God helps me do a pretty good job of that.
The type of hypocriticism I'm talking about here is the kind where I'm supposed to feel guilty about living the life I do because someone thinks I should. Because I live in Canada, and have a car, and can afford Expensive Hair Products, I'm supposed to feel guilty. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and the reason I hate it when people try to make me feel this way is because they often live the same kind of life I do. Who are they to make me feel bad about my life, when it's not like they've sacrificed everything to whatever cause they want to attach themselves to?
There's an idea in the Bible that says that people can give up pretty much everything they have, and just have faith that God will provide what they need. This can be a good idea. It just depends on who you are, and what God had put into your heart. However, some people promote this concept as an ideal instead of an idea, and that's dangerous. Then people say, "I want to give up everything and just trust God." And people like me go, "Well, why don't you?" And then those people pause and have to give a justification as to why they haven't yet mustered up the strength to do it. And whatever they say, the real reason is that they haven't done it because God hasn't actually told them to. You can't do something like that for real unless you hear God's voice telling you to. And there are some people for whom God will do that for, because it will work for them to do such a thing.
I am not the kind of person that would work for. I am too fragile. Sure it sounds all dainty and whatever, and it may also sound like a cop-out. But the truth is that my body can't take things like that, and I can't function. I need supplements, and allergy pills, and inhalers, and all of that stuff. I need to make money to have all those things, so I can be healthy, so I can serve other people. As of right now, I'm not capable of giving up everything and moving to wherever and living with the orphans. I'm not strong enough physically.
I'm not strong enough emotionally either. I think I'm strong enough spiritually, but emotionally, well...I cry way too easily. My heart breaks over the smallest thing. You know those stories you read about sick kid's dreams coming true because they've got terminal cancer? I bawl my eyes out reading those. And those are good things! You don't want to know what happens when I see those commercials about AIDS orphans. It kills me inside. And I get all depressed, and I feel hopeless.
I commend the missionaries and relief workers, and doctors who go to needy people and help them. I respect them a lot. I can't do what they can do. But I know what I can do. I encourage people. I try to make them feel special and like what they do and who they are matters. It's important to me that people feel good about themselves and their purpose in the world. So, I pray for people, and I listen to them, and I care for them. That's my purpose in life, and it's a good purpose.
The Bible says that there are different parts of the body of Christ, and they all work together for the greater good. Some people go and help. Some people teach. Some people stay here and serve or encourage. I'm the serve and encourage type.
So how I see it is this. I need to take care of myself so that I can do my part in God's kingdom on earth. Why He made me so fragile, I'll never know. I suspect it's to keep me here and to make my heart soft so that I can use both of those things to reach out to the people that are here and in need. I can't feel bad when other people make it seem like I am dumb for having the problems I have, because those problems stem from the life I have. And the life I have is the one God gave me, and I'm not going to be ashamed of it. If I am, I can't do my work in the body, and I'd really be useless. So I'll stay here, and love on people. That's all I can do. I'm not going to feel guilty about that. If I feel good about my life, I'll feel good about myself, and that's healthy.
