i think too much i'm pretty sure.

i think about the future and the hopes and love and comfort and amazements i have to look forward to. with you.

i think about disappointing. a lot. the fleets-through of ideas about how any one will be disappointed in any thing i've done or want to do.

i think about the 'at last' touch. and the final first kiss i'll need. and then a lifetime of learning.

i think the tears will flood my soul until i can get back to you.

i think about the disconnect between what i want my life to be and what i'm living in now.

i think i'm tired and i want a brand new world.

i wish writing these things down would free me of them. but now they're tied to me forever.

on walks.

I used to walk to be alone.
Earbuds in.
Pound down the sidewalk.
Crunch through the snow.
Anger pulsing through my mind
and then melting away.

I still walk because I love it.
Create a path, follow it back.
Free my mind.

Now, you.
You come on my walks with me
from across the ocean.
Waters so vast.
I wish they would drain away.
Then I could walk along the bottom.
Then walk you home with me.

No. My walks are still contained and constrained
by the limits of a life I can't wait to leave behind.

But now when I walk, you're with me.
I talk to you.
I imagine what it would be like to hold your hand and keep walking.
But I return home eventually.

"Although you are not here, I really enjoyed our walk tonight"