“And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
-Matthew 6:28-33
Yesterday I went shopping with a good friend. Now that I’ve decided to stop trying to lost weight, I’d like to start buying some more high-quality clothing that I love that will last me for a long time, and help me be motivated to maintain my current weight. However, given that I am stuck to one part-time job for now, I can’t really buy anything at all. Of course, my wonderful fiancé does buy me things, but there are still things he can’t buy me because he’s so far away. Plus, that I can’t provide for myself is very frustrating.
I guess this blog post combines my secular and Christian journeys for this day. I want to look good for my own self-esteem, plus for my husband because he deserves it. It’s one thing to lounge around in sweats with him all day, but it’s another to go out looking like that when I’m on his arm, out in public. Plus, if I look good for myself, I will feel better about myself. Since I’ve decided to stop trying to lose weight, if I look good, I will feel better about that decision.
The secular part of me wants to buy pretty things. The Christian part says that what makes me beautiful is not what I’m wearing.
When I was younger, people would tell me that I’m beautiful. I agree with them, but part of me thought that that was the only part of me that was worthwhile. Nobody ever told me I was smart. When I got close to my goal weight, I decided that I did not want to be one of those bitchy beautiful skinny girls who think they’re better than everyone else because of what she’s wearing or looks like. Not judging people anymore because of how they look has helped me overcome this. I don’t feel better than anyone else, because I don’t judge them on those things that would cause me to feel better than them.
Today I was watching a tv show about girls who have out of control spending habits. This girl was given a challenge to go shopping, with a list, with a budget limit per item. When she was trying to buy jeans, her limit for them was $75. To me, $75 on a pair of jeans is outrageous. The other day I bought some for $15. I don’t think I’ve ever spend over $40 on a pair. All she did was whine and complain that the ones she wanted were over her budget. She had pulled a pair for $50, and when she was trying them on, she said, “Oh, these are only $50…oh, there’s a reason they’re only $50”. She thinks that they're cheaper because the quality is low. Or maybe it's the other way around...she thinks the quality sucks because the price is low.
This kind of attitude about clothing speaks volumes about our society. To think it’s ok to badmouth certain things (and I mean anything…clothing, cars, housing, food, etc) that is cheaper and affordable, and what some people can afford merely because it’s cheaper shows how ridiculously materialistic we have become. As someone who didn’t grow up with a ton of money, I think it’s crazy to spend $200 on a pair of pants. $70 on a shirt. $300 on boots. I could buy all of those things for under $100 total. Why would I spend it, when I could save the extra $400 or spend it on something else, or buy more with it?
This girl…she may have been beautiful on the outside…but she wasn’t beautiful on the inside. There are lots of people our culture says are unattractive but I know to be beautiful because of who they are, and what they do for other people. Material possessions and provisions have become more important to us than how we live our lives and treat other people.
The Bible verse above says that we shouldn’t worry about those things. I can attest to the fact that God always provides for His people. There have been many times when I’ve been without a job and gotten one just in the nick of time. People have helped me pay for things, or I realize that I already have a perfectly fine substitute that I simply forgot about. God always provides for my needs. It’s never been as dire as I fear. I’m absolutely certain that God could not care less about what I’m wearing on my body, what I’m driving, what’s in my bank account, etc. He does care about the compassion and love I show to people, the way I represent Him in this world, and how responsible and hard-working I am. His opinion of me as His lovely daughter will never hinge on what I look like, and will always rely on the kind person I am and how I behave.
That is what I am thankful for. Of course I still hope to present myself in a decent way to the world, but I know that God will always love me even if my only clothing is a brown sack. And I don’t want to say that I’m better than this girl on tv because I’m more practical with my money and don’t care about labels. But I can say that I bet I’m happier than her because of this difference between us. My opinion of myself will never be altered because my pants were only $15.
Much love,
Amanda
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