i feel like i’m at this cross. between who i could have been and who i became and who people expect me and tell me to be. what do i want? and more importantly, what does God want for me?
confronted with the movement of other lives forward, i feel like i’m drowning in the non-momentum of my life. i’m stuck being one thing because people warn me not to change, but i see other people change and attain that which i want most desperately. when does one break free? when do i not care enough anymore to cast off the opinions of others and free myself from the weight of their expectations?
i want to be free. i want to be excited. i want to laugh and lie down at the end of the day and know that someone loves me and wants to keep laughing with me. everyday. for as long as they can. i want to see my life move forward instead of being stuck and rolling backwards.
i’m tired of not having what i want. i feel like people are holding me hostage. telling me not to live an exciting life, full of adventure. to not take a chance because ‘something bad’ might happen. who cares anymore? i don’t. even if something bad happens…at least it’s something. finally something. something i can feel instead of the dread of another day that comes and goes without feeling anything at all.
God tells me that i am free. free from fear, and free from condemnation. i’m taking that to heart. from here on out, i’m free, and i’m going to use that promise to take chances.
i hereby cast off the shackles of the boring life.
